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The South is a caricature of itself..


Ok, so I’ll admit this. Public Policy Polling’s weekend polls that were ostensibly to give us insight on the GOP Primary race in Alabama and Mississippi, also worked in some questions that seemed to serve no other purpose than to let these states humiliate themselves, and humiliate they did. Let’s cut the pretense and go right to the #s, shall we?

In the great state of Alabama:

14% of respondents think Obama’s a Christian

45% think he’s a Muslim

41% “aren’t sure”

That’s a cool 89% of Alabamans who feel the President is just flat out lying about his religion. I would have loved to see some follow up questions as to “why.”

But wait, there’s more…Also in Sweet Home Alabama..

26% of respondents believe in evolution

60% do not

Now these #s really shouldn’t shock me. They don’t. I’m from Miami. Miami is sort of like West Berlin circa 1964, only instead of being surrounded by Communists, it was as deep as the Deep South could get, all points North, then N, S, E, W for the next 1000 or so miles.

But wait.. there’s more

This is the figure that had me staggered a little. In Mississippi the question was asked, “should interracial marriage be legal?” Not gay marriage, but interracial marriage. Yes they seriously asked that question to, I assume, living people in the year 2012. The results:

54% do

At least in Alabama, we’re above the 2/3 mark, with 67% believing we’re not still in 1958.

Click here for full Survey Results.

OK South, we get the message. And let’s just overlook for a second that Mississippi has the lowest rates of literacy in the nation, and Alabama is scraping the bottom as well. It’s probably just a coincidence, right? But most in question seem to be proud of that statistic. Hell you have candidate Santroum playing into the anti-educational theme on the campaign trail. That book-lernin is for commies n’ sissies.

I’d like to have a discussion with this man about his views on evolution and interracial marriage.

Now, to be fair, these polls surveyed what PPP calls “likely Republican voters.” Now, for all I know PPP sent out Ned Beatty and Burt Reynolds in canoes to do these surveys to find said likely GOP voters, but I’ll assume for the moment these were people with working phones, electricity, and indoor plumbing. But seeing as how these states and the block of the “Solid South” has been glowing red for the Republican candidate the past 30 years, it’s not a leap of logic to assume a good number of people in these states espouse these opinions. It’s just kind of hard to wrap my head around the fact that roughly 1/2 of all Mississippians question the legality of interracial marriage in the Year of our Lord, 2012.

If there was any doubt, the lifeblood of the GOP are essentially people who are caught in an amazing time warp of some kind, sans Tim Curry or Susan Sarandon. And the contradictions are amazing. Evangelical Conservatives are apparently strident believers in Creationism over evolution. Yet evolution is the bedrock for which modern biological sciences operate. You know.. Those sciences that terrorists and nations like Iran want to use to make biological weapons? Most “Evangelical Conservatives” would probably rank “stoppin dem terrorists” up there pretty high on the list, no? Throwing bibles at them works less than having better educated scientists to prevent and mitigate that sort of thing, Cletus.

Ok well stop trying to confuse us with your liberal double-talk. The Earth is 5000 years old. It says so in the bible. And those gas prices are too high because Obama cares more about the wussy “environment” than drill baby drill!!

Yea, about that, Cletus.. what do you think you are proposing we drill for? I’ll clue you in. It’s called FOSSIL FUELS.

There are three major forms of fossil fuels: coal, oil and natural gas. All three were formed many hundreds of millions of years ago before the time of the dinosaurs – hence the name fossil fuels. The age they were formed is called the Carboniferous Period. It was part of the Paleozoic Era. “Carboniferous” gets its name from carbon, the basic element in coal and other fossil fuels.

Sorry to confuse you boys

Ok, you know what… I won’t do this. It’s too easy. It’s a softball. And Public Policy Polling was kind of just picking on them with the interracial marriage question. That’s not an issue that’s even been anywhere on any legislative agenda for at least 30 years now as far as I know. And I have been through the deepest of the deep South.. and I have met some very warm, welcoming, fantastic people down there. And of course these states all have numerous college towns, where the vibe is completely different. But still, the next time you see, and you inevitably will, a “drill baby drill” bumper sticker on the same car with a Jesus “truth” fish eating a Darwin fish, just relax, hum some Skynyrd tunes to yourself, and just know there’s a completely alien land, like a time capsule, that you can visit without a passport.

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About trosen76

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5 responses to “The South is a caricature of itself..

  1. I’m in Florida…in the southern part of the state, which isn’t as “Southern” as the northern part of the state. But still, the dipshittery of the Southern conservative mentality is plenty pervasive around here, and I gotta say, it scares me sometimes. I still marvel at the fact that Florida actually went for Obama in 2008. All the election maps had us sticking out like a big blue sore thumb. Not holding my breath that we’ll swing that way this fall, but we’ll see…

    • trosen76

      You’d be surprised how many card-carrying racist SOBs still reside in the greater Miami metropolitan area. But then Miami is a really weird place. Don’t miss Florida at all, except the beaches.

      • Oh, I wouldn’t be surprised at all. For a state that’s not entirely the “Deep South”, there are a hell of a lot of regressive rednecks around. At least there’s a lot fewer of them here than in central FL/Panhandle. I couldn’t live that far north if you paid me a zillion frickin’ dollars.

  2. trosen76

    Reblogged this on travistation and commented:

    A pretty good one.. and since it was just Earth Day.. figured I’d recycle..

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