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No, my dick’s bigger..


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Well look out. George Lucas and Jim Cameron are in a pitched battle to one-up each other, re-hashing 15 year old movies by making them nearly unwatchable in dark, fuzzy, manufactured “3-D.” At least Titanic was more watchable than The Phantom Menace, and Kate Winslet’s boobies in 3D might just be worth the price of admission.

Let me look upon them.. with my OWN eyes...

But it is amusing, watching these guys’ egos battle it out like two aging sumo wrestlers throwing their tired, broken fat slovenly bodies around, with nothing new or original in their arsenals. And what a trend, this re-release everything in 3D crap. It’s only a matter of time before the Matrix, Fast and Furious, Inception, Batman, and the King’s Speech all get shat back out into theaters in dark, grainy, migraine-inducing fake 3D. Ohhh goodie.

I have a novel idea for Lucas and Cameron. Stop paying people to re-release your recent crap in 3D, and go and make a new movie that doesn’t suck. You can even go all old school and do it in 2D, utilizing some old film-making techniques from ancient days of yore like: a decent script, dialogue that isn’t humiliating to recite and hear, character development, tone, and a plot and storyline a typical viewer can actually understand and relate to. But of course this would require some real work and not just writing checks.. so I look forward to the 3D re-release of the Star Wars Christmas Special and  Piranha Part Two: The Spawning. Actually, the last one might not be so bad.

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Fuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk you

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