My favorite South FL Mugshots


I pick on Miami and South Florida a lot. That’s because I had to live there for 32 years. If you’ve only gone there for vacation, you just don’t get it. Anyway, it’s overrun with scam-artists, idiots, and a lot of degenerates in general. Trouble with the law is a rite of passage. And some seem to handle it with grace or undeserved arrogance. This is a tribute to some of them.. Enjoy..

 

Or confusion.. I should have added confusion. Hey.. wait a second..

 

 

I’m pretty sure one of my exes left me for this guy… specifically..

 

This gentleman has seen it…. ALL.

 

Aww how sweet. It will be a rough morning wen she realizes this photo wasn’t from the office party..

 

haha…. unfortunate.. everything

 

After Patrick Swayze died, gigs as an impersonator were hard to come by. Sad he had to turn to crime..

 

You’re ahead of the game when your mugshot can double as a headshot with minimal re-touching..

 

Ahhh yea… keepin it real.. getting charged with domestic battery. I love Miami

 

So… they let women fix their hair before their mugshot?

 

WHOAAA….. ok.. first use your hand and cover the left side of his face.. then the right side. It’s like he has two fucking crazy glass eyes.

 

And this guy is the reason I can never go to jail/prison. If he decided to kick my ass and/or have his way with me.. no resistance in the world would stop it..

 

Oh honey… no no NO on those bangs…

 

The best thing about drunken brawling is.. win or lose.. chances are you won’t remember much.. so in your mind, and to all your friends.. WIN.

 

 

Advertisements

Some random musings (5/31/12)


Sorry for the prolonged absence. Been working long hours and bla bla bla.. like you give a crap. So here’s some politics/social commentary stuff to bore you. Don’t worry. More Jan Terri and stupid album covers are coming.

 

So everyone is in a snit that Fox News is running a station-sponsored anti-Obama attack ad. (Or was, until they cooked up a story it was some “rogue” producer’s idea) Ok.. why are we in a snit about it? How is this any different than what Fox has been doing since their inception? Does anyone out there still believe Fox has anything to do with “journalism?” They are to news what Adam Sandler is to movies. Fox News is a 24-hour glorified GOP propaganda commercial, just as Sandler movies are 90 minute commercials for every corporate tie-in related to the production. I’m honestly not sure why this is news.

 

Ha fucking Ha…

 

So here in the great state of Texas (where we gleefully execute innocent people and give a sincere middle finger to those who try to point out maybe we ought to take a second look at that), our latest stroke of justice was getting a dangerous high school student off the streets, who had the audacity to work multiple jobs to help raise her siblings, aside from being an honors student. You see this poor kid missed some school, with all the 24 hour days to feed her family, etc. And the law is the law… so… fuck common sense.

 

So of course if she just dropped out of school.. no problem. Hope you learned your lesson, kid..

 

You might be shocked to know the judge that sent her truant honors student multiple job working ass to jail is a Republican. I’m also waiting for the right-wing reactionary web lynch mob to point out she maybe once smoked pot or flunked a test… oh wait, that’s already happening. Silly me.

 

Judge Lanny Moriarty, R-Texas. Enjoy your 15 minutes of infamy.

 

Mitt Romney cozeied up to Donald trump, then Trump does what Trump does when the press gives him a platform.. he spouts asinine shit. So now on the day Mitt secured enough delegates to formally be the Republican nominee, his campaign had to spend the day cleaning up huge steaming piles of Birther shit the Donald was leaving everywhere he could, sort of like a spiteful orangutang with diarrhea.

 

Hurry up and take the goddamn picture..

 

In my hometown of Miami, dudes are hanging out on South Beach, doing some new crazy drugs, walking naked down the expressway and eating people’s faces off. Before I knew the details of this story I had only heard the office water-cooler talk.. and I just kind of knew.. Miami. Thanks for not disappointing me, hometown.

 

braiiiiinnnnssssssss…..


So, I realize now I have about 20x more followers than I did just a few months ago. So, here’s a little something you might not have bothered to find in the archives, you dicks.

travistation

You people just can’t get enough. So who am I to deny your whims? There’s an endless supply to choose from, after all. So here you go. However, there are some new ground rules. I will try to only include albums I have at least given a cursory listen to, and will try to provide some backstory where applicable, along with the snark you’ve come for. There may be a theme to this batch. Something along the lines of “before they were famous.” Maybe not though. Stop asking questions and just read.

 

 

Scorpions: Fly to the Rainbow (1974)

I guess it’s tradition now that we lead off with a Scorpions album cover. And since I want to stay out of jail, I’ll refrain from featuring the original “Virgin Killer” one. So here we have what some may think is a brave announcement that the entire band is coming…

View original post 1,405 more words

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES


 

Year: 2011

Starring: James Franco, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Brian Cox, Andy Serkis

Stars 2.5 out of 5

 

You know what the funny thing is? Rotten Tomatoes gave this very mediocre movie 83% positive. Hell, even the Red Letter Media guys liked it. And why? Relative to all the other shit they have to watch, this was a fine piece of cinema. So I’ll give you the perspective of someone who’s job is not to watch movies all the time, and perhaps who can offer a better, less biased perspective.

You probably don’t need a stupid analogy, but I’ll offer one anyway. Let’s say you are a food critic. You have to review 15 places in a row that have the ambiance and food quality of Long John Silver’s. Finally you get to check out a local Applebee’s. In terms of what you’ve been eating for months, that shit would be like Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

Fine dining..

 

So I forgive the Half in the Bag guys, and the critics.. to a point. But let’s talk about this meh movie. You probably already know the plot, so I’ll give the very brief set-up of the story, then I’ll pick it apart, especially the “science.” Ha… ha…

So James Franco is a brilliant scientist who has developed a virus that repairs damaged brains. He is driven to do so because he cares for his dad (John Lithgow) who has Alzheimer’s. He is testing it on chimps, to see if it makes them smarter.

Yeeeeeeesssssssssss??

He hits pay-dirt, based on one plucky chimp, and a cartoonish money-hungry boss who’s all “It worked on one chimp?? Get that shit out to market, today!! Monnnnneyyyyyyy.. sweet sweet Money… hahahaha HAHAHAHA!!!”

But it gets fucked up when he’s pitching the miracle drug to the corporate big-wigs and said chimp escapes and busts into the meeting, literally. The security guards, who apparently were sleeping for the 10 minutes the chimp was thrashing the entire facility, get there just in time and shoot it dead.

In my mind, this was a very effective conclusion to James Franco’s presentation, but it doesn’t work out so hot, and the project gets axed. They ship out or kill all the chimps, except one was secretly pregnant and had a little chimpling. (Yea I know, it’s already implausibly stupid, just stay with me)

So James Franco takes the little guy home, gives him the miracle drug, and gives it to his pops. Chimp gets smart, pop is cured, James Franco seems mildly indifferent, he starts dating a hot Indian ape doctor (Freida ….What’s Her Name), and everything is fine and dandy.

Yay

Fade to “5 years later,” and now some problems emerge. Caesar, the adopted chimp James Franco named after his 3d favorite salad, is smarter than your average chimp and bored of wearing diapers and living in a modest 2 story house. The treatment is wearing off dad and he’s getting all Alzheimer’sish again.

One fine morning confused dad jumps into the neighbors new hot-rod car and starts smashing it into every other car on the block (keys were in it… weee!) Neighbor gets understandably pissed and Caesar sees through the window that asshole neighbor is roughing up grandpa. Caesar and neighbor guy already have a history, so Caesar gets mad, escapes, runs the neighbor down and bites his finger off.

So Caesar gets shipped off to monkey jail, where he is overseen by another implausible, laughable character. A young punk who fucking hates apes more than anyone has hated anything. So naturally, his job is working in a facility with them.

“I hate you FUCKING MONKEYS!!”
“Dude, what’s with you.. did apes rape your mom or something?”
“I told you never to bring that up………………                                                  I love my job”

 

That’s the set-up so that’s enough.. no need for spoilers. The apes rise.. and get smart, and stuff happens. Now, for the skewering..

 

So for one thing, I work in research. I could nitpick all the shit that’s completely wrong in this movie, but that would be pointless, so I’ll stick to the glaring stuff that shouldn’t pass the smell test with the average viewer.

1) James Franco.

No, not the actor. I totally get why he got cast. They need a big box office draw. That’s fine. So even though he’s mostly wooden and confused in his part as a brilliant scientist, shouldn’t his character at least have a fucking clue what he’s doing?

He has created a virus he’s testing on chimps that repairs damaged neurons and makes people (and chimps) a lot smarter. Except, he doesn’t seem to know a thing about human biology, viruses, or chimps. We know this because He says he doesn’t know anything about chimps before he takes Caesar home, and neither he nor anyone on his team express any concern when his lab guy is exposed to the virus, or when said guy gets very sick in the following days.

So how exactly did he manage to develop this virus that makes chimps smarter when he knows nothing about either?

Ok.. what’s my motivation? Scien…tist. Science…Scien..tology? Oh.. my agent told me not to mention that..
Confused… James Franco…confused…

 

2) After 5 years of dating, the chimp doctor never noticed and wasn’t told that Caesar got this experimental virus to make him super-chimp.

Nice powers of observation there, doc. Not to mention, I could get into trouble not keeping my girlfriend up to date on weekend plans. But this is pretty big. Still, hot doc chick seems only mildly annoyed she wasn’t in on this sooner.

I’m a doctor… and I look concerned..

 

3) This amazing virus seemingly works overnight

Well, that is when it’s convenient for the plot. i.e. Caesar becomes really smart over the course of years. But dad’s Alzheimer’s is cured, literally, overnight. Also, all of the other apes that Caesar infects with the virus become brilliant overnight.

I’m telling you, hedge funds, Carl. You can survive the volatility of the market. I know a guy.. let’s do lunch.

 

4) Waking up the next morning being much smarter apparently means = full of knowledge and experience.

Ok, let’s imagine a dystopian future where you can genetically pre-program a baby to come out of the womb as intelligent as an intellectual adult. That’s neat I guess, but would we imagine he’ll come out quoting Shakespeare and wearing a little Victorian-era eyepiece? No, the little fucker will be pissing, shitting, and wailing like any other newborn, because he still doesn’t know anything else.

We’ll see the increased intelligence as he learns, I would imagine. But in this movie, these apes get smarter overnight, and they automatically know how to communicate, how helicopters and cars work, how to use projectiles, how to avoid bullets, how to build makeshift barricades, etc. etc. Call me cynical, but I think they might have to learn some of that stuff before being experts at it.

Just yesterday I was flinging my own poop!

5) No one, including the infected guy, is able to link exposure to strange new virus with getting really sick and dying.

And neither he nor now anyone else suggests seeking medical attention. Although he does show up at what he thinks is his doctor’s house and it’s really an airline pilot? Conveniently..

Well, I did go swimming in raw sewage last week. But that has nothing to do with this, right doctor? ……………………………………..Doctor?

 

6) This movie never stops hammering home the idea of how goddamn smart Caesar has become, except…

He can even speak some English! However he was seemingly never able to link himself biting the neighbor’s finger off with getting put in monkey jail, and for the rest of the movie assumes that James Franco just dumped him there to be an asshole.

Thanks a lot, dad

 

7) Do we understand how DNA and evolution work?

Ok, so Caesar and his monkey co-horts get this virus that makes them smart. But I don’t remember the part about it altering their DNA. This is important, because the movie suggests that Caesar and his crew are the ones that spawn the “Rise of the Planet of the Apes.”

It could have been I forgot that part, but assuming it was just lazy screenwriting, then that’s a huge plot hole. When Caesar and his bunch go fuck-wild banging out chimp-babies, they are going to be the same dumbass chimps as already populate the Earth.

Our children will lead the Revolution!!
Umm… how? You said they altered your brain. Did they alter your genes too?
Oh…… well… wait…….. shit…………………………………
Well, we might as well finish anyway

I suppose you could make an argument that Caesar has learned how to replicate the virus? But seeing as how they destroyed the research facility, that seems like a stretch. Not to mention, how far are we going to take this “smart chimp” thing?

So those are some of the major gaps in the science. And since I’m a nerd, they bug me. If you are going to center your plot around scientific research, at least some of it should make sense.

However, I did not hate this movie. The CGI apes were pretty good, but that doesn’t improve the quality of the movie, it just makes that aspect acceptable. There were some entertaining parts, some unintentionally hilarious ones, and certainly the movie built up well to the final battle scene.

But was this an “8” or “9” the critics gave it? That’s laughable. Even if you don’t care about all the science holes, James Franco’s performance barely hangs on to “mediocre.” So, it’s one of the other. Be like me, ignore that aspect, and try to get into the science and the plot… OR…. ignore all that stuff, and go with the actor’s performances.

Well, the lead sucked. The leading woman does nothing but pose and look hot. John Lithgow plays a convincing demented old person, but not exactly moving or Oscar-worthy. And the real, certified, great actor, Brian Cox, does little but snarl and bark sarcastic quips.

So, the movie wasn’t great. But compared to most of the swill that comes through the theaters, it was passable. The fact that critics got in a lather over it is telling. Compared to everything else, this flick was just fucking brilliant.

 

 

 

Moar Old School Sexist Ads!


You guys seem to like these even more than the stupid album covers. Mob rules when you’re whoring for web hits.. err.. trying to please your audience. So let’s jump right in, shall we?

 

 

“ooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHoooooooohhhhhhh”

 

Yea but neither a man nor a woman has 10 minutes to wait for the goddamn ketchup to actually come out of the bottle. Oh wait, this isn’t Heinz. It’s Del Monte. I think you can still find their ketchup at dollar stores and gas stations. So they got their comeuppance.. I guess.

 

 

Yea.. with your useless baby making, child-rearing, keeping up with house and car payments, keeping morale up while we fight our wars. Get in that factory and rivet something! Then when we get back, you can go back to kitchen, forget about having a “job” or “career,” and fade into a historical footnote from doing all that child-care and homestead up-keep while putting in years of manual labor to keep the war effort going. This message brought to you by the Republican Party of America.

 

On the floor?

 

Not sure I follow the message here. If we keep them on the living room floor, how will they fetch our beers and make us dinner? She sure seems to like that shoe though.

 

bend over honey.. I got a NEW TOY =D

 

Yes, this is another one where I’m going to assume this not a sexist ad, but a coy message to closeted sexual deviants of the 40s and 50s. Otherwise, is a guy really gonna give a fuck that his wife got a goddamn meat thermometer at the baby shower? I guess maybe if she was consistently poisoning them both with raw meat loaf.

 

A two-fer here.. because this is how I found it on the interwebdz

 

Left side: Well.. is it, Gary Cooper? Hard for me to get too offended by this one when the women in question is making the best “Eat a Dick” face in the history of advertising.

Right side: The cartoon on the right says: “Gosh honey, you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning and dusting – and I’m all tuckered out by closing time. What’s the answer?” “Vitamins Darling! I always get my vitamins.”

By “vitamins” of course she means “uppers.” But in actuality, it’s hard to call this one really sexist. Not only is the man appreciative of all his wife’s hard work, he seems to expect the house to be a fucking wreck since she must be as hungover as he is. Maybe she could have added that he might not be so beat by 5 o’clock if he didn’t subsist on a diet of red meat, cigarettes, and dry martinis. But this was the 50s, and that was standard businessman fare.

 

Or the cat. So you’re improving!

 

Another one I’m not sure is completely sexist. Surely they aren’t saying all women routinely fuck up dinner, right? Moreover this guy could give a fuck.. as long as the beer’s cold. He is consoling his wife after turning his steak into tar. How did she manage to do that anyway?

 

Who cares? You’ve got his ass now

 

It would be important to know whether they meant to ask if she’s using Palmolive specifically or soap in general. If she doesn’t bathe except to go outside when it rains, then the answer to the question the ad is asking is probably “no.” Is that the sexist part?

I want to find some similar hygiene ads for men. There had to be lots. There were plenty of hair and personal cleaning products for men in the early to mid 20th century. I would bet a good deal of them had to do with not making women wretch or break out in laughter at the site or smell of you. I’ll have to do some more research and get back with a verdict about these Palmolive ads.

 

 

Oops.. wrong blog.

 

Well..

 

Jan takes us to space..


Jan’s back, and she means business. For this edition of Jansanity, we’re going on a trip. From the video it may look like 4 broads with bad hair in silver jump suits train-hopping on and off the Chicago Metro, but we’re going all the way to Mars.

 

Pictured: Mars…. or something..

While watching Jan Terri videos, I find it’s best to have a sort of guide to better understand them. So I’ve devised a ratings system to help us categorize and discern them better.

Level 1 – Stupid

Level 2 – Ludicrous (and stupid)

Level 3 – Cold War-era East German Surrealist Arthouse Insanity ( + stupid)

“Journey to Mars” is about a level 8. So much in this song and video is so astoundingly ridiculous, I’m right on the border of giving up and declaring the joke is on me. But there’s a cold, stern seriousness and sense of purpose in Jan’s eyes every time she says “Beam Me up Scotty.” Sasha Baron Cohen can’t stay in that sort of character after 3 months of method acting, so I just can’t believe Jan is faking.

**note** All Jan Terri songs are human rights violations against those who listen to music, so my ratings only apply to the video/lyrical content

I’m not going to give a blow-by-blow account of everything happening in this video, because that would leave me crying and bleating at my keyboard for answers… answers that the universe can not provide me with. So I’ll just give you a few of the highlights. Then you will watch. God damn you, you will watch every second of it.

 

HELLO???!!!!!!!!???!!!


Right from the start, Jan clearly rips off some sort of early 90s digital sci-fi animation. The minute of credits at the end (a Jan Terri specialty) mentions nothing about this animation, inferring Jan just made it happen, organically, somehow. I’d say it was a decent gamble that no one was going to sue for usage of this animation.

At the 0:22 mark, there’s Jan in all her glory, with nauseating terrible 80s video effects. Notice the fanny pack prominently displayed, and how the first line of the 1st verse is sung painfully off-key. Jan is storming out of the fucking gate this time.

– 0:38 “It’ll be such an adventure for YooUUooUoouooUUoooo”

– 1:43. Key change! Jan showing off her musical chops.. and her chops in general. then at 1:48.. “It will be fuuuUUuuuUUuuuuuuunnn!” Yes, the word “fun” is used with about 6 syllables and 6 different musical notes. None of which Jan can hit. At this point my girlfriend gave me a look of disdain I’ll never forget for making her watch this. But I gently encouraged her to keep watching.

 

 

– 2:09. “We’ll see different galaxies.” Two interesting points here. One.. now instead of taking a one syllable word and trying to stretch it into 6 notes and syllables, Jan takes a 3 syllable word and crunches it into a one note section that needed a one syllable word. Not to mention, Mars is in our solar system, and our galaxy. It would be a very inconvenient trip to explore “different galaxies” on a journey to Mars, Jan.

 

 

 

Jan…. Jannie… you with me? JAN?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HELLO???!!!!!!!!???!!!

5 Terrible Ideas from the 80s


Here we are again. A time to reflect and look back on the endless stupidity my generation was subjected to while growing up, trying to convince the younger generation the neon framed sunglasses and checker-patterned Vans just weren’t worth the crap TV, lack of internet, primitive video game systems, and stuff like:

 

5. “New” Coke!

Knee-jerk reactions to non-existent problems were a hallmark of the 80s. And the Coca-Cola company became the poster children for such ventures, when they, with great fanfare, changed their whole formula and introduced a whole new soda, with the same name.

Oh but they didn’t stop there. They were so damn convinced this “new” Coke, a reformulated version of the American Icon that had been wildly successful for 100 years, would be so incredibly popular, they pulled every can with the old formula off the shelves.

Let me back up for a second here. When you’re 9 years old in the middle of the 80s, this was a huge deal. And not just to 9 year olds. I remember this thing dominating the news for months. I remember my dad blindfolding my sister and I and giving us a “taste test” with the new and old Coke. I remember it was pretty damn hard to tell the difference, but one clearly had a little more sugar, so of course that got our vote. It was the New Coke.

Mom and dad had slightly different views on children’s nutrition

If you aren’t from the 80s, and you don’t know how this story ended, I bet you can guess. People went ape-shit and within a few months the “old” Coke came back. For a while old and new Coke were on the shelves together, then new Coke basically disappeared. All in all it was an embarrassing and ironic episode that only served to help the root cause of all this, Pepsi. You see before this all went down there were some blind taste tests and Pepsi was apparently faring a little better than Coke, leading to the whole “let’s change the formula” fiasco.

 

4. Let’s all be Farmers!

Before the era of big-agra, America did most of their agriculture the old-fashioned way. There was the family farm, and typically one or two crops. Farming, as you may know, sucks incredibly. To make matters worse, The 70s gave rise to a farmer real estate bubble. Sound familiar? Yea well that bubble also burst, and lots of farmers got fucked.

So, naturally, lots of people quit the farm business, ironically, so as not to starve. The Reagan administration responded they way most presidential administrations would have. They didn’t know what the fuck to do. But, one thing they did do that I experienced, was the worst kids’ education campaign of all time.

Yes, the government decided the best way to indoctrinate young kiddos to the wonders of farming in the 80s was to show them terrible industrial farming videos from the 60s. Jesus guys, at least give me something fun to mock like a rapping farmer with dancing cows.

eyes…getting…heavy..

These videos were the equivalent of live action shots of accountants, with the hopes that would inspire a generation of future CPAs. The whole exercise confirmed what my friends and I already suspected. Farming sucks.

 

3. Everybody Wins!

In the late 80s, a Task Force in California came up with a brilliant strategy to help struggling students. Just tell them how wonderful and special they are, and they will excel. If you have any common sense whatsoever, you see where this going, and I could probably stop here. But I’ll go on..

Not only did they expect this institutionalized learned narcissism to make kids smarter and more successful, they figured it would make them nicer to their peers as well. Surprisingly, they were wrong… about all of it. Kids indoctrinated in meaningless self-esteem boosting did not fare any better scholastically, socially, or conduct-wise. In fact, some follow-up studies showed these kids had some very undesirable tendencies, such as refusing to take responsibility for mistakes, giving up on complex problems, and elevated self-image with led to some bullying tendencies. Nice going guys.

Spare the rod.. those kids just need to be told how special and fantastic they are..

But wait.. there’s more. To take this mode of thinking to its logical end, youth sports leagues went with the idea that no one should lose. Of course when no one loses, no one really wins either. These ideas were clearly dreamt up by former athletes and competitive types. We all know games and sports are mad fun when there’s no motivation to win. Moreover we all know this country was made great by people who just felt like winners, not who actually worked for, strived for excellence, and accomplished anything.

Hey, I love my ultra-liberal peeps out in Cali. We are on the same team. But sometimes they get it so wrong I’m want to hang my head in shame.

 

2. Heavy Metal will turn your kids into murderers!

Role Models

In the 80s, some busy-bodied housewives and grandstanding politicians found the idea of troubled young people committing violent crimes, teen pregnancy, and suicides distasteful. So, instead of doing the hard work, like exploring these kids’ access to mental health counseling, family support structures, and social pressures, they looked for a quick panacea. Ahhh I know! How about that terrible heavy metal music? Problem solved.

It got to the point that artists like Judas Priest and Ozzy actually had to take the stand in court to explain to grieving parents how their job was to sell lots of records and have a lot of sex and do a lot of drugs, not to make your kids kill themselves. Parents didn’t buy it, but juries did, and threw the baseless cases out. However the modern era of censorship had begun

I’ll raise your kids, you worthless excuse for “parents”

Not much really changed. I do remember being incredulous when I couldn’t buy a Guns N’ Roses tape at age 13 without my parent present. I tried to explain how I had already seen hardcore pornography and graphic violence, just that same day in fact, but to no avail. Thanks Tipper. I couldn’t buy Appetite for Destruction at the record store, and had to get it for $.01 plus shipping via the BMG mail-order club. You did save me about $10. So, I kinda owe you, I guess.

 

#1 Just Say No!

Pictured: Nancy Reagan and a guy very likely to be sky-high on cocaine during this photograph

Ahh, good old Nancy Reagan. Nancy was displeased in the 80s by all this stuff on the news about drug abuse. And inevitably at some point a story slipped in about an 8 year old somewhere whose insane or indifferent uncle got them hooked on smack. Tragic, no doubt. And also, a logical call to action. Clearly, the most vulnerable people in the country to the horrors of drug abuse were suburban 8 year old white kids.

Just waitin to score..

Let me offer you some unque perspective on 2 important facets of this. Point #1: With the overwhelming amount of PSAs, terrible, awful short films, school presentations, and preachy sit-com plots geared toward me as an 8 year old, this was really a real thing, for my age bracket and demographics (at least in the eyes of Nancy and her ilk).

Point #2: I was said white 8 year old kid. I grew up in suburban Miami, FL. That’s right, the cocaine capital of the world. There was more cocaine flowing through the streets of Miami than sand on the beach. So if little white kids anywhere were having to dodge the pushers after school, it would have been me. I can safely say, I never saw any kind of drugs or drug use until well into my teens (when the PSAs and dire warnings all but completely stopped, incidentally).

I do have several questions, actually

Which brings me to another fallacy of the “War on Drugs.” If not the soulless pushers hanging around elementary schools, inevitably many of my classmates were hardcore drug users, according to Nancy R. As an 8 year old who definitely didn’t want to get high and live on the street, a lot of these messages instilled real fear that many of my peers were going to illicit tremendous pressure on me to use their drugs with them, if not just hold me down and force bags of cocaine and endless viles of heroin into my system.

I can safely say, once I got a bit older and actually were around some drug-using peers, they were not the least bit demanding about wanting me to use their drugs. In fact, had I been into that, I’m quite sure the opposite would have been true.

Whaaaaaaaat? You won’t smoke our pot? Loser…