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Jan takes us to space..


Jan’s back, and she means business. For this edition of Jansanity, we’re going on a trip. From the video it may look like 4 broads with bad hair in silver jump suits train-hopping on and off the Chicago Metro, but we’re going all the way to Mars.

 

Pictured: Mars…. or something..

While watching Jan Terri videos, I find it’s best to have a sort of guide to better understand them. So I’ve devised a ratings system to help us categorize and discern them better.

Level 1 – Stupid

Level 2 – Ludicrous (and stupid)

Level 3 – Cold War-era East German Surrealist Arthouse Insanity ( + stupid)

“Journey to Mars” is about a level 8. So much in this song and video is so astoundingly ridiculous, I’m right on the border of giving up and declaring the joke is on me. But there’s a cold, stern seriousness and sense of purpose in Jan’s eyes every time she says “Beam Me up Scotty.” Sasha Baron Cohen can’t stay in that sort of character after 3 months of method acting, so I just can’t believe Jan is faking.

**note** All Jan Terri songs are human rights violations against those who listen to music, so my ratings only apply to the video/lyrical content

I’m not going to give a blow-by-blow account of everything happening in this video, because that would leave me crying and bleating at my keyboard for answers… answers that the universe can not provide me with. So I’ll just give you a few of the highlights. Then you will watch. God damn you, you will watch every second of it.

 

HELLO???!!!!!!!!???!!!


Right from the start, Jan clearly rips off some sort of early 90s digital sci-fi animation. The minute of credits at the end (a Jan Terri specialty) mentions nothing about this animation, inferring Jan just made it happen, organically, somehow. I’d say it was a decent gamble that no one was going to sue for usage of this animation.

At the 0:22 mark, there’s Jan in all her glory, with nauseating terrible 80s video effects. Notice the fanny pack prominently displayed, and how the first line of the 1st verse is sung painfully off-key. Jan is storming out of the fucking gate this time.

– 0:38 “It’ll be such an adventure for YooUUooUoouooUUoooo”

– 1:43. Key change! Jan showing off her musical chops.. and her chops in general. then at 1:48.. “It will be fuuuUUuuuUUuuuuuuunnn!” Yes, the word “fun” is used with about 6 syllables and 6 different musical notes. None of which Jan can hit. At this point my girlfriend gave me a look of disdain I’ll never forget for making her watch this. But I gently encouraged her to keep watching.

 

 

– 2:09. “We’ll see different galaxies.” Two interesting points here. One.. now instead of taking a one syllable word and trying to stretch it into 6 notes and syllables, Jan takes a 3 syllable word and crunches it into a one note section that needed a one syllable word. Not to mention, Mars is in our solar system, and our galaxy. It would be a very inconvenient trip to explore “different galaxies” on a journey to Mars, Jan.

 

 

 

Jan…. Jannie… you with me? JAN?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HELLO???!!!!!!!!???!!!

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