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Quick Hitters 7.10.12


I’m turning 30-something in 2 days. I don’t feel a day over 30-something..

 

Willard’s tax returns (or lack thereof) are now becoming a thing. Mitt and the GOP seem stunned by this turn of events. Not sure why. Look, every rich asshole does this kind of thing to avoid paying as much tax as possible. In Mitt’s case, it seems there’s a lot of hiding money off-shore. Personally I don’t find it terribly galling. But undecided voters, under the constant illusion the POTUS should be “one of them,” whatever the hell that means, don’t take this kind of thing too well. It won’t be a huge scandal, but it will be distasteful. Willard will have to eventually release all the tax returns and just hope people don’t know what they’re looking at. It’s gonna sting..

Just ask my friends in the Hamptons..

 

Vote for Jesus! No seriously.. some preacher wants his congregation (his vast, online congregation) to write in “Jesus” on their presidential ballots, rather than vote for Romey or Obama. Oh sure, he hates Obama like any good preacher-man, but he hates Mormons just as much if not more. And what’s more American than religious hatred ruling the day? The irony is this could spark a war within the congregation, since any good Birther will tell you that there’s no way Jesus of Nazareth could be considered an “American Citizen of Natural Birth,” although Mormons might be able to make that claim, seeing as how they had him showing up in America back in the day..

Not so fast… WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE??!!

 

Before you get too excited about the prospect of an illusory 3d party candidate taking votes away from Romney, the “petition” only has about 200K signees so far, and they are undoubtedly concentrated in states that are redder than a baboon’s ass. So I don’t think Romney is in any real danger of losing to Jesus in Kansas or Nebraska. And if I was the kind of guy to make these kind of jokes, I’d quip about the possibility on the morning after the election about a very confused auto mechanic of Hispanic descent in Lawrence, Kansas being very confused as to how and why he got thousands of write-in votes for President………

if I was that kind of guy.

 

In the coming days, I am going to sue someone! (seriously) =D       This is as truly American as I’ve felt in a very long time.

USA!! USA!!

 

Poll-watching? Guilty as charged. Polls this far out are semi-meaningless.. but I follow them semi-religiously. Why? Politics for me is like the World Cup. Every 4 years I become very interested. Blame it on ADHD.. or something. Anyway, I will have a whole blog coming up on polls. But let me tell you what the rules are… find all the polls that have the results that look good for the candidate you want. Copy and paste these results on every social networking, message board, and political discussion site you can find. The ones that don’t look so hot for your candidate? Either ignore, downplay, or claim obvious bias or outright rigging of said poll. It’s the rules of the internet.

 

pole-watching.. Secret Service/GSA style

 

 

Penn State is set to release the findings from an independent investigation into Sandusky-gate, and it’s not gonna look good for the legacy of Joe Paterno. Since I don’t have a dog in this fight but the truth and justice, and since I am a football fan and would generally not like to see someone so influential to the sport have their legacy grossly tarnished, I am not salivating to see these results. But I am eager to know the truth. Child sex abuse victims are bigger than football. Of course they aren’t more profitable, which is how we got here in the first place. I won’t give too much away, it will all be in the report released on Thursday.

Hey, college football, everyone still frothing about the University of Miami kids getting “improper” trips on a booster’s boat and lobster dinners? The horror.. Funny though, I don’t see too many ESPN talking heads clamoring for the “death penalty” for Penn State football.. Ho-hum..

Hey.. it’s not like I took recruits to a booster’s house..

 

And speaking of creeps…

“When women got the right to vote is when it all went downhill because that’s when votes started being cast with emotion and maternal instincts that government ought to reflect”

 

Yea.. he really said that a few days ago. And when he realized he stepped in it, he backtracked with a quick “just kidding.” rush.. let me tell you from experience.. when you say something really thoughtless and offensive, especially to or about women, the “just kidding” doesn’t help. Not that Rush could be any more unpopular with women.

 

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