Album Cover Madness

Something old, something new, something shitty, sniff some glue…

Mr Bat: Mr Bat Sings (1981)

Mr. Batshit Fucking Scary

Clowns are just inherently nightmare fodder. It is no coincidence that horror writers use them as vehicles of sheer terror or why serial killers dress up in clown suits and makeup. They want to scare the the living fuck out of their audience and/or victims, and god damn does it work like a charm. Mr. Bat is no exception. The question is why. This was not a pretentiously ironic indie rock album nor was it a metal album.

No, apparently, Mr. Bat was a gospel singer from North Dakota. Neither he, nor this album, really had anything to do with clowns. Perhaps Mr. Bat was inferring that this album cover was a taste of hell (if you don’t buy the album and let Mr. Bat save you). If so, that is one hell of an effective means of marketing.

I very much wanted to find a clip for you, but no such luck. Some internets out there mention bad, creepy organ music and an an old white dude bellowing about Jesus. Still no explanation of the fucking clown get-up. I guess we’ll just leave it at that.


Fleetwood Mac: Mystery To Me (1973)

mmm... tastes like..failure

There’s a fine line between art and crap. There’s an even finer line between symbolic art and rampant stupidity. Fleetwood Mac just blurs all the lines and serves up pseudo-art crap with some sort of “message,” much as just about every band in the 70s and early 80s tried to do. I would expect this kind of thing from pretentious prog-rock assholes like Yes or Emerson Lake & Palmer, but why Fleetwood Mac?

I’m not a huge FWMc fan, but they are usually passable. I’ll give you a little more background on them. Most casual rock fans only know them from classic rock radio and the 2 songs those Clear Channel stations spin. In reality Mac was around a long time before Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, so as you can imagine, they sounded different. It was a little prog-rockish… but that still doesn’t excuse the very stupid album cover. Have a listen:


Minitel Rose: The French Machine (2008)


Sadly, this isn’t an album from the 80s. It’s a hipster band trying to look and sound like they are from the 80s.. being all hip and ironic-like. Hey, I’m all for hip retro irony. But when it’s forced, it’s stupid. This is stupid. And the music has no authenticity whatsoever. It’s like an Elvis impersonator recording an album, but taking himself very seriously. What’s the point?

Fuck this band, and this album. But here’s a track anyway. You’ll probably like it… to spite me.


Benny Boys: S.D.I. (1986)

ahhh.. that's better

Let’s compare and contrast these last 2 albums boys and girls for an important lesson in comedy and retro, campy humor. Why is this album cover funny? Because it’s 4 dorks from Germany trying to look very “sci-fi” and cool in 1986.

To make matters worse, the term “Benny Boys” is on old-school slang for a homosexual. For all I knew, these guys were well aware of that, and ahead of their time. But chances are it’s another funny coincidence.

So again, natural retro failure = win. Forced pretentious hipster failure = just failure. No media for this one.


Mr. Bones: Hey Mr. Banjo (early 1950s)

Oh. My. God.

Yes, this was a real album cover. Yes it was pressed and released in the U.S. in the 50s. Yes it was in the South. Yes much of the South hasn’t changed much. Not much more to add to this one.

No I’m not going to find a clip to listen to. I’m sure the music is fantastic.


Holst: the Planets (conducted by Sir Adrian Boult – 1970)

I see London, I see France..

This is a great one. A great composer, and one of my favorite 20th century Orchestral pieces of all time. I guess EMI was shooting (tee-hee) for a younger, hipper demographic than typical classical music record buyers. They might have been on the right track. At least with the girl.


Tex Williams: Smoke Smoke Smoke (1968)

Thank you for smoking..

Tex Williams sure loved smoking. My god did he love it. Not only did he think it was ok. It was goddamn patriotic. It is your duty as a true American to smoke. In fact, Real Americans smoke 3 at a time and tattoo their goddamn hands about it.

As you might have guessed, Tex was a Country/Western singer. And had a long, fruitful career. That was until he died of pancreatic cancer, most likely brought on or made worse, by years of smoking.

Here’s a video of sorts.. and it does kind of seem, from the lyrics, that Tex thinks people smoke too goddamn much. So, draw your own conclusions.


Maranatha 3: Rejoice in the Lord (1973)

with mescaline

That guy is way too fucking excited to be rejoicing in the lord. The Beatles only wish they had veiled drug references this obvious.

If you must know, Maranatha wasn’t a band, but a contemporary Christian music record label. And this was sort of a “greatest hits,” vol. 3. The trippy artwork was done by an actual pastor and evangelist, who was obviously very high….on Christ.

Here’s some of the music. This track kind of makes you think of Crosby Stills & Nash, if they sucked ass and loved Jesus.


So many stupid Album Covers, so little time

I have dozens and dozens of these to riff on. And I haven’t even really started looking yet. Once again I’ll try to provide some background and links to the music where applicable.

Scorpions: Pure Instinct (1996)

They just make it too easy. This might be, not just the worst Scorpions album cover, but the worst anything cover of anything, ever, of all time. By 1996 the Scorpions were one of the biggest-grossing hard rock/metal outfits of all time. Not to mention we had Windows 95. So what exactly is the excuse for an art fair reject of a cover?

Not just the idea but the execution is so amateur and juvenile, you almost want to think it was on purpose. But it’s tough to give the benefit of the doubt to a band that repeatedly spits out retarded album overs. They can’t all be tongue-in-cheek satire, can they?? Ironically enough, they changed the cover at some point. Not because they realized how atrociously bad it looked, but because of concerns with the mild nudity.

The music? Ok, I’ll admit something. I like the Scorpions. They are talented musicians and songwriters. Never confuse absurd album art with the actual musical product. This album is pretty much standard Scorpions big hair arena & pyrotechnics fare, with a few more ballads than usual.


Dolly Parton: Bubbling Over (1973)

Look, for all I know Dolly put a lot of time and effort into this album cover, or at the very least gave it an enthusiastic thumbs up before it went to print. However these were the days when artists often had little say over such things, and this one reeks of “thrown together at the last minute.”

If you look close, we don’t even get a unique shot of Dolly’s disembodied head being thrust into the sky by some kind of geyser in a lake behind what looks like the back wall of a penitentiary. It’s from the same shot of Dolly way in the background. And let’s face it, if we don’t get a close up of Dolly’s ginormous boobage, what’s the fucking point anyway?

The music? Look, I know about as much about Dolly Parton’s music career as I do about hip-hop. Well ok, maybe a little bit more about Dolly. I know she did that duet with Kenny Rogers and the title track from “9 to 5.” I couldn’t name you one 50 cent “song,” but I could probably pick him out on the street (although that would be a really bad idea).

Anyway, so yea, here’s the title track that sounds a bit too much like Stevie Nicks for my taste. And like I said, no boobs to oggle, so who cares?


Vinko: Para Mayores de 18 (“For Over 18” – 1982)

Check it out.. if you start top right and go counter-clockwise, he just gets fucking crazier each square. Lord knows what's happening on the back cover

So you always wondered what inspired The Many Facets of Roger? Well evidently it was this guy. Not much I could find on Vinko here, but apparently he was an Argentine comedian who, according to some stuff I ran through Google Translate, did one bang-up impersonation of “Chabuca Granda.” I don’t know what the fuck that is, but maybe it’s somehow related to what’s happening in the bottom right square.

By the title of the album we’re led to believe there’s some adult content on this record. Ok.. Sorry, I couldn’t find any media to link to. So if you’re desperate to know what’s on here, you’ll probably have to hit some thrift stores in Argentina.


Ghostface Killah (featuring Raekwon) – bulletproof wallets (2001)

ahhhh yea.. we cookin up some beignets up in here.. BITCH!

As I’ve said repeatedly, I know as much about hip-hop as neurosurgery. Put a microphone or a scalpel in my hand, both results would be equally as disastrous. Pierre would probably tell me what’s happening on this cover is supposed to represent how Ghostface likes to “fry up” other MCs.. or something like that.

But I know stupid when I see it, and this is it. To make matters worse, apparently this album was a complete disaster all around, as the label didn’t get proper permission for some samples, and the track listing is all fucked up and doesn’t even remotely represent what’s actually on the album.

Now that’s the kind of album cover story I like. Here’s a track below. It could be the greatest hip-hop track of all time. I have no idea.


The Playmates: At Play with the Playmates (1950-something)

It's the fabulous PLAYMATES! Cheecho, Chacho, and DERP!

Sticking with gangsta rap, we have a truly humiliating attempt at.. something. By featuring three middle-aged men uncomfortably close on a scooter. The guy up front appears to have some bad indigestion, and no one can be happy about that, although the middle guy does seem rather content.

So who the hell were these guys? Well they were a vocal trio from Connecticut. And as it turns out, they did have a famous song you may have heard if you have parents like mine who mistakenly think things that were funny to them at 12 would be funny to you… 40 years later. It’s the “Little Nash Rambler” song. Grab grandma and reminisce:


Wayne & Charlie: Rapping Dummy (1981)

We're just one missing "p" away from true hilarity

More rap, or something. Ok, someone explain me the point of a ventriloquist you can’t see. But, apparently, this was a thing. Because I’ve seen these types of records all over the place. Moreover, apparently ventriloquists were big hits during the radio-only era.

I guess people have fantastic imaginations. If you can just imagine he’s not Dave Liebe Hart, and his lips aren’t moving, it’s fucking hilarious! Actually, and I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t feel this way, ventriloquists and their dolls are all aggressively unfunny and creepy. So by all means, check out the rapping dummy:

More album covers : Behind the insanity

You people just can’t get enough. So who am I to deny your whims? There’s an endless supply to choose from, after all. So here you go. However, there are some new ground rules. I will try to only include albums I have at least given a cursory listen to, and will try to provide some backstory where applicable, along with the snark you’ve come for. There may be a theme to this batch. Something along the lines of “before they were famous.” Maybe not though. Stop asking questions and just read.



Scorpions: Fly to the Rainbow (1974)

..................... yea, fuck if I know either..

I guess it’s tradition now that we lead off with a Scorpions album cover. And since I want to stay out of jail, I’ll refrain from featuring the original “Virgin Killer” one. So here we have what some may think is a brave announcement that the entire band is coming out of the closet, and in style.

Nothing says gay pride more than having turbine jets for feet, a welder’s mask made from an upside down popcorn bag, and wearing a stylish purple jumpsuit while proudly displaying a rainbow banner. Liberace’s Pomeranian being walked by Rip Taylor during the Chicago Pride Parade couldn’t be gayer, and I’m not even sure what that means.

As for the music, it’s actually a pretty stark departure from the arena-rock stuff they’re most famous for. Most people don’t realize the Scorps have been around since 1965, lending further credence to my theory this is the band that Spinal Tap basically modeled themselves after. This album has way more 70s-style groove than one might expect, save for the fact it was released in the 70s, when they were virtually unknown to American rock fans. Have a listen, on me:



Attila: Attila (1970)


Do you recognize that mustachioed man on the right? That is in fact, none other than one Billy Joel, a mere 3 years, but light years, from being The Piano Man. Now, at the very least, I think it’s clear what Joel and his bandmate Jonathan Small were going for here. It was some kind Attila The Hun theme, although with the sides of beef hanging around, they look more like waiters at a terribly ill-conceived theme restaurant.

The music is also terribly conceived, so if you are just too damn curious, go ahead and Youtube it. I won’t bother linking it here. If you want a description, think Deep Purple meets Iron Butterfly, they lose the bass player, and it all really, really sucks. That’s about the short of it.

I’m sure Billy can laugh about it now, although his old buddy John Small probably can’t. Because besides the album being a huge flop, and Joel going on to huge commercial success, coupled with the fact that you are probably seeing the name Jonathan Small for the first time ever right here on this blog, the “band” also broke up due to Joel banging Small’s wife. Strong work all around, Bill.

Oh look at the time. It's half-past I give a fuck.



Bob Dylan: Saved (1980)


On the surface, this album cover seems much less insane than boring and unimaginative, until you get into the context. Most of you casual or younger Dylan fans may not realize that in the late 70s and early 80s, Bob Dylan, Mr. counterculture himself, found Jesus, and found him with a vengeance. He released 2 albums that were just plain old ultra-pious born-again Christian preaching. In true Bob Dylan fashion, no one was quite sure what the fuck he was talking about, but it sure had something to do with Jesus:

“Years ago they¬†… said I was a prophet. I used to say, “No I’m not a prophet” they say “Yes you are, you’re a prophet.” I said, “No it’s not me.” They used to say “You sure are a prophet.” They used to convince me I was a prophet. Now I come out and say Jesus Christ is the answer. They say, “Bob Dylan’s no prophet.” They just can’t handle it.”

What... it's the mustache, isn't it?

As for the music, his first Jesus-lovin’ album got pretty good reviews. This one, ehhh.. not so much. It’s basically watered-down aging Dylan, but with 8000% more Jesus than your regular Dylan. Listen, if you must:

Most rock historians believe that Dylan lost his Jesus mojo by about 1982 or so, when he went back to mostly non-Jesusical lyrics, either because the novelty wore off, or because a mainstream rock icon’s album sales tend to do better without cramming scripture down the listener’s throat. Either way, it’s an interesting historical footnote, if by “interesting” I mean… not all that interesting.



Y Kant Tori Read: Y Kant Tori Read (1988)

Dunno..but she can wield a fucking sword, matey

Every good red-blooded American male, and many females, at one point had a major “thing” for Tori Amos. The woman was basically smoldering sex with a piano, and a redhead to boot. However in her early days, she had a band, and they were called “Y Kant Tori Read.” That may sound like the title of a shitty PSA about the importance of a good education, but this album got far less airplay.

So few CDs exist that hardcore Tori fans will shell out big bucks for an original copy (word to the wise.. if you have room to hoard, save EVERY one of those crappy discs bands give out at dive bars and at SXSW. There’s a chance one of them could be the next someone. And hipster chicks will totally dig your vast collection of unknown crap CDs).

The music? Well we get a two-fer here. It’s basically very crappy, overproduced synth-pop, with a touch of recognizable Tori essence, and lots of over-hairsprayed red locks. But we’ve also got a very strange video where she sports a nice mid-drift and a sheer nighty-looking thing, and trades some painfully bad dialogue with a video “cop” (that’s right.. 80s Video Insanity Bonus!!) before the music starts.

Oh it gets weirder though. The backstory is about someone breaking into Tori’s car and stealing Tori’s underwear, then she sings about it. It’s never really explained why she’s keeping her spare panties in her shitty ’83 Pontiac, but it all has to do with “The Big Picture” somehow. I am at a loss.

You know what, it really doesn't matter. Whatever you say Tori.

Musically, it’s… about what you’d expect from a big star who started out doing whatever was popular at the time, although the music is horribly dated, even from when it was released. So enjoy the eye candy. The music.. probably not so much:



Butthole Surfers: Hairway to Steven (1988)

hu huh... huhuhuhhuh.. *cough*

The Surfers were well known among the stoner crowd since at least the mid-80s. No circa 1988 college radio DJ worth his salt wouldn’t include a playlist that included some Surfers, They Might be Giants, and Dead Milkmen. But they really broke through in 1996 thanks in large part to MTV (yea, they actually used to show videos) and their single, “Pepper.” I never understood what the big deal was with that song, which seemed to me just a mediocre rip off of Beck’s “Loser.” Of course that song was pretty mediocre in its own right, despite how influential it was.

So this is another album I owned, once. I have also seen them live, when they were touring and Stone Temple Pilots was actually opening for them. I think I can safely say I was the only person at that show not on drugs, including everyone on stage.

Oh I'm sure these cool kids have aged delightfully well

As the popularity of Pepper and the album it was from, Electric Larryland, blew up huge, it led to a sort of Butthole Renaissance. And there’s a good chance I only included them here so I could type that.

As for the album cover and the music. Well, I recall at the age of 12 seeing the cassette and snickering, buying it, then finding both the cover and the music much less interesting by 12 and 1/2. I think being a kid in the late 80s/early 90s who was in with the “alt rock” crowd had to own a BHS album. At least one. Here’s a tune from the album. Notice the lack of any coherence and strong evidence of THC pervading the music. You might even get a contact high from listening. Puff, puff, pass:



William Shatner: The Transformed Man (1968)

is this real life?

So, here’s another one where I might be going off-theme a little. This cover really isn’t all that insane. But what’s on the album? Holy fuck is it a new level of crazy. And to this day no one is entirely sure if it’s a joke or a very misguided attempt at late 60s pop culture satire. Knowing Shatner, he forgot the truth of it long ago but wants to stoke the “mystery” to keep whoring anything and everything with his name on it.

That’s one thing about Shatner you have to love. The man has no shame whatsoever. None. This album features Shatner reciting Shakespeare intermixed with his quoting lyrics from popular songs of the day, in spoken word form. And by spoken word, I mean a spoken like a mental patient high on mushrooms and being chased by werewolves. It’s as insane as anything ever pressed to vinyl, period. Not much else to explain to this one. Go on and listen:

Ok, due to overwhleming demand, more insane album covers..

Look, I am not going to make this a twice a week thing, or it will just get stale. Plus I think from now on I will have had to listen to the album before commenting on it. It just seems more genuine. Anyway.. here’s some more snark for you..

The Scorpions: Lovedrive (1979)


I don’t know about you, but I just hate it when I finally get to cop a feel on my high-priced escort in the back of the limo and I totally forgot I had that 1 pound wad of Big League Chew still in my hand. What a mess! Fortunately, this gal was nonplussed. In fact, she may be comatose. I have a feeling the Scorps would be just fine with that.


Colonel Sanders: Tijuana Picnic (sometime in the 60s, I guess?)

They'll never find me south of the border..

Ok, there’s a lot going on here. Let’s try to make sense of this. This record is so obscure Wikipedia doesn’t even have any info on it. That is a blog goldmine. Because it means we can speculate. I did some googling on this bad boy, and apparently it’s filled with shitty Mexicanish-instumental elevator music. But I think it’s more fun to assign our own theories. I like to think the colonel was in hiding for tax evasion, and this album was a series of secret codes sent to headquarters to keep the KFC empire running smoothly. He was adopted by a family of CIA agents, in Mexico doing anti-communist reconnaissance at the behest of J Edgar Hoover. The colonel doesn’t realize he’s about to be double-crossed, and in an epic standoff wherein the CIA tries to steal the colonel’s secret recipe, his cane doubles as a poison dart gun, as the CIA doesn’t realize he’s a double agent for the NSA.

But it was probably just some kind of lame promo album for KFC franchises in Mexico City.


Heino: Liebe Mutter… (“Loves his mother” – 1971) W/ BONUS VIDEO!!!

haha.. I bet you do

Ok look, I don’t want to seem like I’m picking on the Germans. First we had the Scorpions, then this guy. But, as we all know from surfing the net, the Germans are into some weird shit. Fortunately, there is video of Heino all over the goddam internets. You might think the man who inspired SNL’s “Sprockets” (for you Trey) would sing like a real girlie-man. You’d be wrong, mein freund. Mr. Heino has one very manly set of baritone pipes on him. And he’s such a goddamn man’s man, a typical orchestra or band won’t do. He needs lumberjacks sawing fucking wood to sing to. think I’m kidding? Think again, Herr weiblic.


Gertrude Behanna: God Isn’t Dead! (1964)

Keeping with the German theme, we have here what seems to be a rejection of Nietzsche… until you see the back cover, which says: BECAUSE I HAVEN’T KILLED HIM YET … BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Black Sabbath: Sabotage (1975)

So.. if they turn around, will they be staring at their own asses?

Yay… a weird album cover I actually own! Ok, look. the 70s had some interesting looks. But even the hippest of hipsters can’t keep up with this. I guess it’s not that odd for Ozzy to be wearing a housedress and platform shoes, but why the red spandex Bill Ward? Why oh why? No one needs to see that. Also, Tony Iommi has pants that ride above his elbow. They just don’t make them like that anymore.


Kjell Kraghe: Vind I Seglen (“Wind in the Sails” – 1981)

Oh ya… here in Sveden it’s so nice to sail da high seas.. Vee only geet enough sunlight for 6 months in da year and.. HOLY FUCK!! HARD TO PORT, HARD TO PORT!!!


Eilert Pilarm: Eilerts Jul (“Eilert’s Christmas” – 2001)

You have some explaining to do, Eric Wareheim.

Slightly Insane Album Covers..NQSFW..

Ok, so I had an April Fool’s blog all set to go, but thought it too cliched. So here’s an even bigger internet cliche, commentary on ridiculous album covers, starting from the days of vinyl (when it was a necessity for listening to music, not ironic hipster gold) and working up to some more current ones. So why bother Trav? Because you haven’t seen my witty remarks on or Seanbaby, have you? Oh, so now you’re a jerk for asking? Yes. Anyway, here are a few that are real head-scratchers. You’ve probably seen these all before, so boo hoo. Lolcats always has new material.

First bizarre album cover:

The Scorpions: Animal Magnetism (1980)

I'm sorry ma'am. Checking my back pocket and I only have a penny and some lint. But they hardly ever check the meters this early in the morning.

If you’re a veteran of ridiculous album cover browsing, or you’re old enough to remember, you know just about every Scorpions album cover has some kind of bizarre sexist tilt to it. So this is hardly shocking. It’s real life trying to one-up Spinal Tap, and the Scorpions succeed. But this cover in particular makes no sense and just seems thrown together at a deadline no matter how you slice it.

Ostensibly, it’s a woman and her faithful doberman, enjoying some jeans and blouse-clad yoga on the beach in the morning, being approached by a khaki-corduroy wearing man who’s sporting a bottle of balsamic vinegar, that I would guess he’s not afraid to use. I suppose there’s some allusions to implied oral sex and maybe a degrading message about comparing a woman to a dog, but since this isn’t a Rush Limbaugh spoken word album I’m more inclined to believe the Scorps really didn’t care, as long as it was ridiculous. Mission accomplished.


Next bizarre album cover:

The Beatles: Yesterday and Today (1966)

ha..ha..get it??

So the year was 1966, and the Beatles were tired of the same old not-making-people-vomit-upon-first-site album covers. So, with the music listening world ripe for some “black comedy” and an anti-war message that no one was sure to get without being told, the Beatles came up with album cover that GWAR might have rejected for being a bit too offensive. I know if you’re a young buck, you might be looking at this and wondering what the big deal is. But try to put it in its proper context. This would be like the cover of Justin Bieber’s next album picturing him relaxing in a tub full of mutilated kittens, only it’s 46 years ago; movies could be banned for using the f- word, interracial marriage was illegal in many states, and abortion was illegal in all of them (or as Republicans like to say, “utopia”).

So yea, America wasn’t quite ready for this type of satirical “humor” coming from the clean-cut darlings of Ed Sullivan. Oddly enough however, the record label suits seemingly had no problem with it, until individual record shop owners started sending back the album, because, well.. yea. So the 4 lads were forced to release the album with another boring, tame cover that I won’t bother linking to, because, well I just told you why. As the sixties got a little more weird and accepting, they would toy with abstract and original album cover ideas like Sgt. Pepper’s and the White Album. But the dismembered baby parts and guts is little more than a rock n roll history footnote. And a reminder that these guys weren’t necessarily the smartest around.

Here’s another:

Crosby Stills & Nash:  Live it Up (1990)

Every surviving band from the 60s has a "when we got clean" section in their bio. Clearly CSN had not gotten there by 1990.

It’s rare when a band member will go on record about how badly misguided an album cover was. But David Crosby has been pretty open about his mistakes in recent years, and my god has he made a lot, with this album cover being no exception. Sometimes little more needs to be said, so I won’t say much. If I had to guess at what we’re looking at here, I’d say CSN was trying to convey something about technology and phalluses. But it’s probably just bad acid trip nonsense, as is most of the music from the album. That’s another thing about the 80s (1990 gets included by approximation). It seemed every decent band/artist from the 60s was obliged to release a fucking terrible album or 3. i.e. I don’t care what music critics say, David Gilmour’s “About Face” (1984) was a piece of turd. When you’re way better than Phil Collins, you don’t need to try to sound like him, no matter how many more albums he’s selling. But that’s another blog for another time.



And now, for something completely different:

Cannibal Corpse: Tomb of the Mutilated (1992)

Should I be concerned that this image has no affect on me, in any way?

Ok, so I am deviating a bit with something that’s supposed to be more shocking, for your viewing pleasure, because I can add a personal anecdote. When I was playing bass for Nothing Rhymes With Orange from 2003 to 2008, our regular gig was at the Culture Room in Ft. Lauderdale. At the time, I can safely say we were probably the best indie-rock group in Miami. However, that’s kind of like bragging about being on the best semi-pro ice hockey team in Mexico. There is virtually no indie-rock scene there (at least as of 2008 when I left), so who cares? Anyway, our singer was notoriously picky about what kind of reverb to use. So the resident sound guy was cycling through some presets during a sound check once, and he found one to everyone’s liking. He laughed and let us know it was the exact custom reverb used by the singer from Cannibal Corpse. Now maybe you haven’t heard Cannibal Corpse, but from the album cover above, you can probably guess they are not indie-rock. And in hindsight, the story is way less funny or relevant if you’re not me, so sorry for wasting your time.

Anyway, I think there’s a sentient point to this album cover, and the boys from “Corpse” may have been sending a prophetic message about current entertainment mediums. I think the message here is, if cunnilingus is no longer arousing to you unless it is being performed by decomposing bodies chained up in some sort of Satanic dungeon ritual, you have watched far too much internet porn.

Bonus bizarre insert cover:

Megadeth: Youthanasia (1994)

Don't do it guys... it's not worth it.

I never really understood what was happening in this shot, but it looks like something has pissed off the guys on the left and right, and Dave is holding them back from doing something stupid they’ll regret, like endorsing Rick Santorum for President.


And to be inclusive:

Trick Daddy: (1998)

Ahead of the curve at least with the "Internet" thing

This may come as a shock to you, reader, but I am not a huge hip-hop fan. In fact, most everything I know about hip-hop I learned from my longtime friend Pierre, who is approximately 10x whiter than me, but loves hip hop approximately 50,000x as much. This is not to say I dislike hip-hop, and in the right context, like mixed with good riffs like Rage Against The Machine, I’m into it. But the straight hardcore stuff, nahh it never really did it for me.

I include this one because this is about the time I stopped caring enough to keep asking Pierre questions about hip-hop. So for me this kind of signifies the end of an era. If I wasn’t a lazy fuck, which I am, I would hit the Internet Wayback Machine and see if the domain “” was in use in 1998, and if so, if it belonged to Trick Daddy. If it did, I have to give “mad props,” despite how asinine this album cover is. Also, I’m not sure if Pierre owns this album, but if he does, I will taunt him mercilessly.